I Can't Make You Love Me
by LoveDanielsNuts
Summary: Bella loved him above all others, but when she leaves town for a fresh start, her past follows her and wants to be heard.  Swearing and angsty in parts, lemons eventually, and hopefully a HEA.  AH, Canon couples
1. Chapter 1

**Inspiration for this story came from an awesome song that I am obsessed with at the moment, and listening to the lyrics made me want to put thoughts to paper (more like ) and this is what I came up with.**

**I want to thank Carly Cullen for being my beta, and Kimbo Cymru for pre-reading this puppy.**

**Also to all my awesome FB friends...you know who you guys are, and I love you!**

**...**

**Chapter 1**

Hardest Decision

How long was I meant to stay in the 'friend zone'? Until he realised he was in love with me? Until he realised I was in love with him?

I couldn't make him love me, he said that he did in a 'best friend' kind of way, but I wanted more from him. To see him every day and to have him hold me and kiss my forehead was worse than any torture I could envision.

I had loved him since the moment I realised what love was, he was my friend for many years before that, but as my hormones changed, so did my feelings for him.

Unrequited love was a fucker, plain and simple.

I knew that heloved me in his own way, he would call me whenever he and his girlfriend had argued, or when he had a shitty day in work. He would call over with pizza and beer to cheer me up, he would hold me and let me cry on his shoulder when I missed my parents.

He was wonderful and amazing, but what I had from him wasn't enough, it would never be enough.

I wanted it all from him, I wanted Edward Cullen to _love _me.

Not in the 'best friend' kind of way, but in the 'I can't eat or sleep without you, I need you like I need air to breathe' kind of way.

That was not to be, so I made the hardest decision I had ever made and it was to walk away.

...

"Bella, seriously...I can't understand you sometimes!" Edward shouted at me, while I packed my bag.

I quickly wiped the falling tears before he could see them.

"What is there to understand Edward?" I sniped at him.

I could see him pacing back and fore in the corner of my eye, as I pretended that my heart wasn't breaking into tiny pieces.

"You're leaving...just like that! Without good reason...just leaving!" Edward said, waving his arms up and down in exasperation. If it wasn't for the fact that I was dying inside, I would have laughed at his arm gestures.

"I do have a good reason Edward, my Grandma is ill and she is the only family I have left...so I'm going to her." I told him for the umpteenth time.

I walked over to my dresser and grabbed the few remaining items that were left in there.

"There's nothing here for me anyway." I grumbled quietly to myself, but Edward with his super hearing, heard me.

"NOTHING HERE FOR YOU!" He shouted. "WHAT THE FUCK AM I THEN?"

We had been having this argument for the last few days, since I made my decision to leave Florida.

"You are Edward." I sighed. "My best friend...but I need more..." I trailed off.

"And you're going to find it in bumfuck Forks?" Edward shouted at me.

"I don't know that I won't!" I told him, I pivoted on my feet and faced him head on.

"I have no idea what's in Forks, I have no idea what I might find there Edward, but I know that what I need..." I trailed off.

"What Bella? What do you possibly need that you won't find here?" Edward asked, he took the two steps that would lead him directly to stand in front of me.

He slowly placed one of his hands on my shoulder and the other one went to my chin and he used his fingers to tilt my chin up so he could see my face.

I stared back into his forest green eyes and I could see hurt hiding there. I was hurting him with my leaving, but I knew that I had to go. This wasn't healthy for me and Edward was happy with _her_, so why would I stay and watch the man that I loved with all my being slowly drift away from me?

Things with Edward had changed since he started dating _her_, she hated me. Hated me beyond all reasoning. She was telling Edward how I loved him and that she could see that I was trying to take him away from her.

He would try and placate her as much as he could, while trying to keep our friendship going, but it was only a matter of time before we drifted apart and our friendship would cease to be, at least this way, it was on my terms.

So it shouldn't hurt as much...I said _shouldn't_, but it doesn't mean that it doesn't.

"Tell me why you're going Bella, the _real _reason and then I'll let you go...I'll even help you finish packing." Edward pleaded with me.

I could see his jaw tick with tension as he tried to get a read on my expression.

This might have been my last chance of telling Edward how I felt, maybe this time he would actually get what I was trying to tell him. Maybe he would actually _hear_ me when I say the words.

I swallowed my fear and looked directly into his eyes and told him.

"I love you Edward." I said softly, trying to get the true meaning out along with the words.

Edward cracked a smile and pulled me close to his chest.

"I love you too Bella...now tell me why you're leaving." He asked me with a slight chuckle in his voice.

He didn't get it, he would never get it. I could feel anger and frustration begin to replace the sadness of my decision. All the pent up hurt of being second place in his heart dying to be released.

I pushed myself away from his chest and brought my hand up and slapped him across his cheek, hard.

"YOU JUST DON'T GET IT EDWARD!" I screamed at him.

His face conveyed nothing but shock, and he slowly raised his hand to cup his now red cheek.

"I LOVE YOU!" I screamed at him. "As in I fucking would run to the end of the earth for you, as in I want to marry you and have your babies...As in...I FUCKING LOVE YOU!"

Edward just stood still, his mouth opening and slowly with no sound coming out.

"You don't see it do you? The way my heart belongs to you, has always belonged to you. You just look at me and see Bella, your best friend, whereas I look at you and compare every man I have ever met to you, and they _always _come up short."

I took a step away from Edward, and closed the zip on my bag. The rest of my things were already in my truck and the majority of my stuff was already on its way to Forks.

I turned my back to him and took a deep breath.

"Say something Edward, I'm leaving, so now is the time to say something." I pleaded with him, looking at the floor.

I never quite understood the phrase 'The silence was deafening' up until that point, then I knew exactly what they meant.

"I wanted your heart to belong to me like mine belongs to you Edward, but I can't go on anymore...the way you look over me, girl after girl...It kills me inside to see you with them, to hear you having sex with them in my spare fucking room...I can't do it anymore." I felt my shoulders sag at my declaration.

"Bella... I heard Edward say softly.

My heart fluttered in my chest at hearing Edward's soft voice call my name.

I turned around to face him and his arms were at his side, fists clenched and a torn look on his face.

"I do love you Bella, you're my best friend..."

As soon as 'best friend' left his lips, I put my hand up to stop him.

"I get it Edward, I do...Take care of yourself." I said with a cracked voice.

I gave him one last sad smile and walked out of the bedroom and ran as fast as my small legs would carry me to the front door and out to my truck.

I threw my bag onto the passenger seat and barrelled out of my parking space without a backwards glance.

I could hear Edward's voice shouting at me as I made my way onto the main road, and I quickly wiped the tears that were falling and blurring my vision as I high tailed my way to the high way and as far away from Edward Cullen as I could get.

I could hear my cell phone ringing from my handbag and chose to ignore it, knowing it was going to be Edward.

I took a deep breath and shuddered with pain and the sobs tried to leave my chest, I struggled to breathe and opened the windows of the truck and screamed.

Screamed all my pain and anguish away, screamed all the hurt and loss I was feeling, screamed at the memory of the look of devastation in Edward's eyes when he actually heard my true feeling for him.

The drive would take me a few days, but the way I was feeling it was probably for the best. If my Grandma saw the state on me right now, she would grab her trusty shotgun and be aiming it at Edward's nut sack right now.

I drove for hours and when I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore, I found the nearest motel and made my way inside.

The room was basic and generic as motels go, it had a slight damp smell, but I didn't care. I just wanted somewhere to rest my head and try and forget about the shit storm I had left behind with Edward.

I decided to have quick shower, and as I grabbed my toiletries from my hand bag I could hear my phone beeping.

I swallowed my trepidation and grabbed the stupid bit of technology that was making my stomach do summersaults.

There were seventeen missed calls and twelve answer phone massages, all from Edward. There were also over twenty text messages, some from Edward and some from his sister and my best friend, Rosalie.

I decided to read her messages and ignore Edward's, Rosalie knew about my feelings for Edward, she knew how much I loved and adored him.

_**Bella, I swear to all that is holy that if you don't call my brother back that I will do something I won't regret. He is crying, full on crying here...he said you told him. Ring me Bella, please, I need to know you're ok xx**_

There was another text from Rosalie that came through ten minutes ago.

_**Edward is drunk, as in he can't see for shit. Keeps going on about how he's lost his best friend and that you love him and he never saw it. He is a mess Bella, I have never seen him like this, it's like you died or something...please call him. He needs to speak to you, I'm worried about the state of him Bella, I have never seen him like this, Dad is talking about giving him something to knock him out...he's screaming and breaking things. Please Bella xx**_

Hearing the mess Edward was in made me crumple onto the floor, my chest wracked with sobs and I could feel myself getting sick. I just made it to the toilet before I threw up, the thought of what I had done to Edward was exactly what he had put me through for the last ten years, but the difference was, he didn't know what he was doing to me, I knew what he was going through right now.

With a shaking hand I texted Rosalie back.

_**I never wanted to hurt him Rose, he asked for the truth and I told him.**_

I couldn't face writing more than that to her, I thought that she would understand where I was coming from, she had been telling me for years to spill my guts to Edward about my feelings for him, but he was her brother and blood is thicker than water, so I understood her taking his side over mine in this.

_**He's not hurt Bella, he's fucking broken right now! Call me back or consider this friendship over. You've hurt him more than I've known to be possible...you say you love him, well then fucking ring him RIGHT NOW!**_

Right then was when I knew that my friendship with Rosalie Cullen was over.

There was no way I was going to call Edward back, as far as I was concerned everything that there was to be said, had been said.

If I was to ring back and hear his voice, it would make my resolve falter, and we would both end up suffering more, me for knowing that as much as Edward loves me, it wasn't enough, and for Edward losing a friend, because in all reality after him learning of my true feelings for him, there was no saving our friendship.

He would always be wondering if I was pining over him, and I would always be wondering if he was only friends with me out of pity.

It would be easier on us both if I made the break for us, I would no doubt become the villain, but at this point I was all for self preservation.

Edward didn't deserve to be hurting from my departure, but I couldn't see it ending any other way for us.

The kind of love that I wanted and needed from Edward wasn't there, and as far as I knew, it never would be.

I grabbed the television remote and turned it to some random channel, and the song that was playing made me collapse in tears onto the bed.

My chest heaved and my heart shuddered as tears upon tears fell down my face, wetting the pillow case.

'_Cuz I can't make you love me, if you don't_

_You can't make your heart feel, something it won't_

_Here in the dark, in these final hours_

_I will lay down my heart, and I'll feel the power_

_But you won't_

_No, you won't_

'_Cuz I can't make you love me, if you don't..._

**...**

**So, what are your thoughts on this? Want to slap Bella? Or Edward? Or Both?**

**Please leave me a review, would love to know what you guys think of this little ditty.**

**Just incase you didn't get the song at the end, it is the Bon Iver version of 'I can't make you love me', it was this song that gave me inspiration to write this. Look them up on youtube, you won't regret it.**

**I know that this chapter isn't very long, but I do plan on updating quite often.**

**Thank you again to my ladies, and see you guys soon x**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello again peeps!**

**Here is the next chapter that was looked over by my Beta Carly Cullen, she had a baby a few weeks ago so she is wonder woman for finding the time to read through my dribble.**

**I want to thank everyone that has reviewed and even those that haven't but added this to their story alerts, I hope I don't let you all down.**

**I have had a request from a reader to do the first chapter from Edward's point of view, this won't be a mixed POV story, but if enough people want them, I may do the odd Edward chapter as an outtake, so let me know if you want them.**

**Oh, and to Leelan Oleander & Billi Beavis Cullen...Bloody love you millions birds!**

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

Chapter 2

Whiskey and Home Truths

I woke up the next morning feeling no better than the night before, whoever said that things seem better after a good night's sleep was lying, although I suppose things might have seemed better if I had actually gotten any sleep.

After I had laid on my back and stared at the mottled ceiling for a few minutes, I decided to delete all the messages and voice mails from my phone without listening to them. Whatever was on there wouldn't change my plans.

I knew that Edward was hurting, but my self-preservation had well and truly kicked in and I had to protect my now damaged heart.

I had a quick shower and quickly gathered my belongings, handed in my key at reception and made my way back to my truck.

The next few days of travel seemed to blend into each other. The nights would be spent the same way, crying myself to sleep in random motel rooms, and the days were spent watching the scenery flying by, not really seeing it, just the road ahead taking me to where I needed to go.

On my fourth day of travelling, the trees started to get closer together and the surrounding scenery became much greener and lush. I knew from my GPS that I was getting closer to my destination and when I finally saw the 'Welcome To Forks' sign, I nearly burst into tears.

I was the furthest away from Edward that I had ever been.

I had to fight back the tears and the vision of Edward's tormented face from my mind as I made my way towards the only home that I had left.

Driving through Forks was a strange experience, it was if they all knew I was coming or that they were intrigued by the strange vehicle that was making its way through the streets.

I knew from what my mother had told me that Forks was a very tight knit community and everyone knew everybody. So no doubt my arrival had already been mentioned, and knowing my Grandmother, she would have told anyone and everyone that would listen about my moving to the sleepy town.

When I finally pulled up outside my Grandmother's house, I took a few minutes to gather myself and push all thoughts of Edward to the back of my mind.

There would be no place for him here, with my Grandmother's failing health and with me being her only living relative, her care fell upon me.

Even though it vexed my Grandmother greatly for me to up sticks and 'Babysit' her, as she called it, there was no way that I would leave her to go through her last few years alone.

There was no way in hell that I would have stayed away. Edward or no Edward.

As I leant over the passenger seat to grab my bag, I noticed the front living room curtain twitch, and knew that my arrival had been noticed.

I got out of my truck and made my way to the front door, before I could knock the door, it swung open to reveal a tall dark skinned man that I didn't recognise.

"Bella!" He exclaimed happily, and swept me up in his arms and twirled me around.

All I could do was squeal in shock at this stranger picking me up.

"You're finally here!" He said full of excitement, and placed me back on my feet.

I stumbled back and took a look at him properly.

He had long dark hair swept back in a low ponytail, a broad nose and brown eyes that looked almost black they were so dark. His smile was pearly white and I couldn't help my lip lift to join him in his grin. His smile was infectious.

"You don't remember me, do you?" He asked with a chuckle, and motioned his arm for me to enter the house.

I briefly looked at him and made my way into the living room, which was directly off the front door.

"Um, sorry, but no I don't." I told him honestly.

He gasped and placed his hand over his heart in mock hurt.

"You wound me Isabella Marie Swan."

Not many people knew my middle name, so I raised my eyebrow at him in question.

"Nonnie is in the kitchen...come on." The stranger told me and gently placed his hand in mine and led me to the back of the house where the kitchen was situated.

I was shocked at the term of endearment that he used for my Grandmother, but considering as he was in her house, I would have imagined that he was a close family friend.

"Look who I found outside Nonnie!" He said excitedly.

I finally looked past the man I didn't know and saw my Grandmother sitting at her table with a lady that had matching dark skin like the man standing behind me.

"Bella, my love!" My Grandmother cried happily.

I quickly made my way around the table to embrace her small body in my arms.

I felt the tears begin to fall down my face, and my chest shuddered with sobs. I buried my face into her neck and inhaled the rose smell that always accompanied my Grandmother.

"Come on Jake, let's leave them to it." I heard the dark skinned woman tell the man.

I faintly heard them leave the kitchen, but it was difficult to hear anything over my sobs.

"Shhh Bella love, what's got you so upset my darling?" My Grandmother asked me softly, smoothing my hair down my back in a soothing gesture.

"Just...glad to be here..." I sobbed out softly.

"Even without me seeing your face, I know your lying Bella...remember I have a built in bullshit radar." My Grandmother joked quietly with me.

I pulled away from her embrace and took a seat in the chair next to hers, looking into the eyes of my Grandmother. Even in her advanced age, she was still beautiful. Her pale blue eyes never aged with the rest of her, her long white hair was pulled back into a loose clip that had soft curls framing her face. Her uneven lips that matched mine were pulled back in a gentle smile awaiting my answer.

Even though I knew that her body was being ravaged from the inside out by cancer, on the outside she looked like the woman I had always known. Strong and determined, and with enough foul language in her repertoire to put a sailor to shame.

"I told Edward...how I felt about him Nan..." I said quietly, trying to keep my composure.

I looked up from my fingers, and caught my Grandmother leave her seat and reach into one of the cupboards. When she pulled her hands out, she was holding two tumblers and a bottle of whiskey.

"I take it that it didn't go well?" She asked, although I would take a guess that she already knew my answer.

"Is it that obvious?" I asked her with a sardonic giggle.

I noticed her hands shaking slightly as she poured us an ample amount of whiskey each.

"Should you be drinking this stuff?" I asked her seriously.

"Shush girl..." She told me with a wave of her hand. "Don't change the subject, you can berate me for my lavish lifestyle later...I want to know what's going on with you...now spill it and cut the bullshit." She finished, and downed her shot of whiskey, without so much as a shudder.

My grandmother raised her eyebrows at me, looked at the glass in my hand and then back at me.

I took that as a non-verbal 'drink up pussy' and threw what I had in my glass back down my throat. The burn and taste made me shudder and I may have gagged a little at the end.

"Atta girl...now tell me why my darling Bella has turned up on my doorstep looking like she has been run over by a fucking logging truck." She said, pouring us some more whiskey.

I looked at her in disbelief at our refilled glasses.

"Isabella Marie Swan...the sooner you tell me what's going on, the sooner the whiskey bottle will go in the cabinet. The longer you take the more shots we'll do."

My father used to joke that my Grandmother had hollow legs when it came to drinking and that she had drunk many men under the table, I knew that she wasn't kidding.

I quickly told her what had transpired between me and Edward the day I left, and to say that she looked torn was an understatement.

We managed to have another three shots each by the time I finished telling her about the text messages from Rosalie, right up to the moment that I got to her door and got picked up by the man that I now knew as Jake.

Once I finished talking, my Grandmother sat back in her chair, and declared that I had made a right 'clusterfuck' of my farewell with Edward and that the whiskey bottle was staying out.

"Now Bella, I know that you get a lot of things from me...Including your hot headedness, but I think that this whole thing with Edward was blown out of proportion..."

I went to interject, but she raised her hand to silence me, just like I had done to Edward a few days before.

"Not that I am sticking up for Edward either, but you basically dropped a fucking huge bomb on him and expected him to process what you told him in seconds. Most people would need at least a few hours to digest news like that...as far as he knew, you were just friends, and then you tell him...'Oh yeah, I love you and I have done for years but I never told you and now I'm fucking leaving'...How were you expecting him to take it?"

She threw back another shot of whiskey and I joined her.

My Grandmother was never one to sugar coat stuff, she would always come out and tell you as she saw it, 'Please or offend, this is how I am' she would tell people.

I felt like I was being scolded by my Grandmother at that point.

"I don't know what I was expecting Nan...maybe for him to realise he felt the same way, but for him to say that he loved me as a friend..." I shook my head slightly, looking at the again empty glass in my hand. "I couldn't _only_ be that anymore, I needed more from him than he was able to give me...I can't only be his friend, not anymore." I finished sadly.

"Too fucking right you can't!" My Grandmother exclaimed and slammed her glass down on the table with such force that it made me jump.

"You can't tell someone you love them and then still be friends, it's all or nothing after that, but you never gave Edward a chance to look at his feelings and see how he felt about you. How do you know that if he hadn't taken some time to really look inside himself that he wouldn't have realised that he did in fact love you just as you loved him?"

I looked into my Grandmothers eyes and saw sadness there. She slowly placed her hand on my cheek and smiled sadly at me.

"You did what you had to do to save your heart, I understand that much, I truly do...but I can't help feel that if I hadn't needed you here you would be back home working this out."

I placed my hand over hers on my face and smiled sadly back at her.

"No Nan, the difference is that if I wasn't leaving, I doubt I would have ever told him how I truly felt, so me coming here set me free in a way..." I trailed off, knowing that part was true.

I knew in myself that if I hadn't been leaving town, I would have kept my feelings to myself and no doubt have suffered for many years to come until...I don't know what my future would have held actually. Would I had always have been the best friend? Would Edward always look over me? Would I had been able to take watching him go off with other women and then eventually finding the right one, and attended his wedding and pretended that I was happy for him while crying inside and the love that I had for him not being returned?

That would have been no life for me, being here, in Forks was where I needed to be.

Being here with my Grandmother, for however long she had left, was my future. There was no guarantee that I would stay here when she was eventually gone, but there was nothing left for me in Florida. I had seen to that when I walked out of my apartment and left Edward behind.

Forks was my immediate future, for how long I wasn't sure, but I knew that being here with my Grandmother was where I needed to be, for her sake, and mine.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**I bloody love Nan, she is very much like my own Grandmother, although she would never admit to that.**

**I know that there wasn't any Edward seen in this chapter, and he may not show his beautiful face for awhile yet, I'm not sure.**

**No doubt you're wondering about Jake, the relationship between him and Nonnie will come to light in the next chapter, and he won't be a bad guy or after Bella in a way shape or form...just to let you guys know.**

**Thank for reading, and leave me some love...if you want!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Well it would appear that I am updating again, and I have got the next chapter nearly ready to be sent to my Beta...the amazing Carly Cullen!**

**I can't thank you guys enough for all the positive reviews that this story has received. I am glad you guys are enjoying reading it as much as I am writing it.**

**So without much further ado...the next chapter...Oh dear, I have forgotten the whole disclaimer business...*clears throat*...I don't own Twilight or any of its characters...blah blah blah...you get the idea :D**

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

Chapter 3

Musings and Memories

Jake turned up a few hours later with beer and pizza to find myself and my Grandmother both slightly worse for wear (me more than her) and chuckled at our inebriated states.

"Damn Nonnie, why don't you drink like this with me?" Jake asked, placing the pizza on the kitchen table.

"Because your life is fairy tales and roses Jacob and Bella here needed to loosen up the Forks way." Nan chuckled in reply.

Jake picked up the now half empty bottle of whiskey and looked at how empty the bottle was.

"Nonnie...this bottle was full yesterday." Jake teased my Grandmother playfully.

"Ah pish posh Jake, it was an emergency." Nan giggled in reply.

"Sure it was." Jake replied, shaking his head and taking a seat across from me.

Jake looked at me with a quirked eyebrow, and asked me if I remembered who he was. I shook my head.

"No, sorry." I said apologetically.

Jake leant back in his chair and let out a chuckle.

"Well I can't say I'm all that surprised Swan, seeing as I haven't clapped eyes on you since you left this town...I think you were four and I was five...but Nonnie here has kept me up to date with all your goings on. She sings your praises and accomplishments from the highest point in town." Jake told me.

I chuckled quietly to myself and looked at Nan.

"Been singing my praises have you?" I asked her, laughing quietly at the end.

Nan just rolled her eyes at me.

"Well you are my only grandchild Bella, of course I would...what's the word? 'Big you up'...is that how you say it?" She asked, looking to Jake for his answer.

"Sure thing Nonnie, you're hip." Jake laughed out.

Jake's laugh was infectious and had me and Nan laughing along with him in no time. Nan and Jake told me about how close we were before Mom and Dad moved us to Florida for the chance of a better future for me. I vaguely remembered Jake's Dad, Billy who was my God Father.

"I know that Dad can't wait to see you again Bella, I'll have to take you down the Rez to visit him. He'll be stoked!" Jake told me enthusiastically.

The beer that Jake had brought with him was shared around the table, along with the pizza.

I could feel the atmosphere around the table shift, Jake then cleared his throat getting my attention.

"I'm sorry I missed you at the funeral Bella, but my Dad took Charlie and Renee's passing really badly. He couldn't bear to watch his two best friends being buried." Jake told me sadly.

At the mention of my parent's burial, I could feel a lump begin to form in my throat.

My parents had passed away two years ago. They were on their way home from a restaurant, when they got hit head on by a drunk driver. They both died instantly. I was told by one of the paramedics on the scene who knew my Dad from the Police force, that they had been holding hands when it happened.

"No problem Jake, I would have avoided it myself if I could have." I told him, my voice breaking over the lump in my throat.

My parents had both left instructions in their wills that they wanted to be buried in Forks. It tore me apart to fulfil their final wishes, but now that I was on Forks, it seemed that it was done for best.

Edward and Rosalie had come to Forks with me for the funeral, and we only spent a few days there. All the time we were there, I only left the house for the funeral, and Nan had made Edward take me back to Florida a day after the funeral. She had told him that my being there was only going to make getting over the passing of my parents worse.

My parents had left instructions for what was to be done with their house and belongings if anything was to happen to them. Which left me pretty well off after all the life insurance policies had paid out. I didn't need to worry about money for the next twenty years or so, as long as I was careful with it. When we had gotten back to Florida, Edward had spent three days with me in my bed. He was my rock, and I was mourning the loss of him along with my parents at that point.

I decided then that I would go and visit my parents grave the following day, I hadn't been there since the funeral and felt awful about the fact, but at the same time I didn't want to see where the wonderful people that gave me every opportunity growing up were laying.

"How is Billy?" I asked Jake, changing the topic.

I was feeling morose enough.

"He's good, been selling home-made carvings to tourists and making a good buck for himself too." Jake told me proudly.

Billy had been injured in a hiking accident a few years back. He had fallen down a cliff face and was lucky to survive, but he did break his back and ended up in a wheelchair.

"Those tourists will buy any cheap shit." Nan chuckled out, taking a swig of beer.

"Oh yeah they will." Jake laughed out.

I raised my eyebrow in question at his comment.

"Some cheesy teenage emo vamp-fest film was filmed down on the Rez last year, and it's got a constant influx of tourists wanting to see the sights." Jake told me, although I could see pride in his eyes about the Rez being a sought after place.

"Cool." Was my only reply.

"The film isn't, but I know that Nonnie owns it." Jake told me, then looked over at Nan and gave her a wink.

"Have you seen the lead vampire, Jacob Black? He is one gorgeous specimen." Nan told him, pointing her finger at him.

"He's Bella's age Nonnie, that's just gross." Jake joked with a shudder.

"Age ain't nothing but a number baby." Nan replied, and snapped her fingers at Jake like those Valley girls do in films.

Jake burst out laughing, and I laughed along with him.

"That's a line from the second film Nonnie!" Jake told her, still laughing.

"And you know this how, Jake?" As soon as those words left Nan's lips, Jake's laughing stopped instantly.

"Emily makes me watch it." He told her, trying to defend himself.

"Sure she does." Nan smirked at him.

Jake then proceeded to tell me about his wife, Emily. She worked at the hospital in the emergency room as a nurse, and was currently working the night shift, hence Jake sitting with us tonight.

"What do you do Jake?" I asked him, curious.

"Ah well, I am a builder, maintenance man, mechanic, tree surgeon...basically anything labour intensive, I'm your man." Jake told me proudly.

"Jack of all trades, Master of none." Nan laughed out at him.

"You wound me woman!" Jake told, feigning hurt.

"You know I love you Jakey Poos." Nan teased him.

"I'd hate to see how she'd talk to you if she didn't like you." I giggled out.

I was surprised with how genuine my giggle sounded, and Nan must have thought the same thing as her eyes shot to me.

"What? I can giggle you know." I chuckled at her.

"It's good to see you smile, baby girl." She told me, placing her hand over mine on the table.

I smiled in return and we carried on chatting well into the night, and before I knew where the time had gone, Jake was bidding me and Nan farewell and making his way home.

I gathered the dirty glasses and binned the empty beer bottles while Nan looked on.

"You're going to be alright, you know?" She told be confidently.

"I know." I told her, still facing away from her when the memories of the dreaded phone call from Nan's doctor when he told me her prognosis.

Yet again, Edward was the one I turned to for support when I found out that Nan only had about a year or so left, how she had refused treatment saying that she had lived a long life and that she didn't want to have to suffer the indignity of going through all the harsh chemo treatments and that she had made her peace with her illness.

I felt guilty for all the time wasted that I could have spent with her. The only constant time we spent together was when she would come and stay with us for two weeks every summer. She even came and stayed with me last summer, not willing to stop her annual trips, even though Mom and Dad weren't around anymore. That visit meant so much more to me than all the other times she had come to stay.

We slowly made our way up stairs, and I grabbed my overnight bag on my way past the couch, where I had dumped it earlier.

Once I entered what used to be the spare room, I noticed that a load of my things had been placed in the corner, ready for me to unpack. I made my way to the nearest box and opened it.

What I saw had me crying, crumpled on the floor, clutching the object close to my chest.

It was a picture of my parents, Edward and I. It was taken the summer before they passed away, we had spent the afternoon at the beach celebrating my parents wedding anniversary. Rosalie turned up with her parents, Esme and Carlisle and we had a BBQ and beers as the sun set. It was one of the most memorable days that I had spent with Edward.

I had somehow ended up sitting between Edward's legs, leaning back against his chest, his hands placed around my waist, holding me close to him. His chin was resting on my shoulder as he casually talked with our group. He was acting so casual, and truth be told, it was normal for us to be touching in such a way.

All the while, he was talking to my father about his job teaching Math's in the local high school, my heart was hammering in my chest. The thought of Edward finally feeling more for me filled my head. I was imagining him declaring his undying love for me in front of our family and friends, of us finally becoming a couple.

But that night, like every other ended with Edward kissing me on the cheek and walking away from me. I cried on my mother's shoulder that night, wondering why Edward didn't see me the way I saw him.

She told me that it was only a matter of time before Edward got his 'head out of his ass and saw what was right in front of him'.

But that never happened.

And she was gone. They were all gone.

Edward was as lost to me as my parents were.

My phone beeped from my bag and drew me out from my musings.

My stomach flipped at the sound and I wasn't sure if it was from nerves or all the whiskey and beer, but with a shaking hand I reached into my bag and grabbed the offending object.

I saw that there were actually no missed calls on there, and the beeping was from a text message.

I slid the slider on my iPhone and saw that the message was from Rosalie, I clicked on it and read what she had written, my eyes started to water reading her words.

_**Our friendship isn't over, I'm sorry for losing my cool. Edward is a mess, but I love you Bella. You're my best friend and I won't let this come between our friendship. I know you're hurting and just know that I am here for you when you're ready. Love and miss you Bells x**_

I missed Rosalie more in that moment than I thought was possible, I wanted nothing more than to ring her and hear her voice, so I did just that. I rang her.

After a few rings the phone was answered, but not by Rosalie.

"BELLA! BELLA!"

I knew that voice better than I knew my own, it was Edward.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**Oh, cock and balls! It's Edward!**

**What will she do? Answer or hang up? I've already written most of the next chapter, so I know what happens...just teasing you lovely people!**

**Feel free to read and review..or not.**

**And thanks to tds88 for her EPOV suggestion...I think I shall be using that :D**

**See you guys soon with the next update x**


	4. Chapter 4

**It's that time again, here is another update for you all.**

**I want to thank my wonderful beta Carly Cullen who somehow manages to find the time to go through the chapters for me, and I want to give a shout out to all my FB ladies, I love you more than I love booze, and if you know me, you know how much that means :D**

**I don't own Twilight...blah blah blah**

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

Chapter 4

Broken Record

I quickly dropped the phone as soon as my mind registered Edward's voice.

"BELLA! I KNOW YOU'RE THERE!" He shouted at me down the phone.

In a moment of panic, I ended the call.

I wasn't ready to speak to him yet, there would be time a too talk with him, but that time wasn't now. I was on the verge of being blind drunk and the last thing Edward or I needed was for us to have a conversation when I didn't have a full grasp of my brain functions.

I paced in front of my bed chewing my finger nail, my brain trying to kick the whiskey induced brain fog that was beginning to settle.

I stumbled slightly when my phone started ringing from the bed where I had dropped it, moments before.

It was Rosalie's ring tone, but for some reason I was sure that it would actually be her on the other end of the line this time.

With a shaking hand and a hammering heart, I moved the slider across to accept the call.

"Hello..." I mumbled slightly panicked, getting ready to end the call should it be Edward.

"Bella...don't hang up it's me!" Rosalie said quickly.

"Rose!" I sighed out in relief.

"Bella, I'm so sorry... I heard my phone ringing out the kitchen but Edward knew it was you and got to the phone before I could." Rosalie told me.

"It's fine Rose, honestly. I was a bit surprised to hear his voice is all...How is he?" I asked nervously.

"How do you think? He's a mess." Rosalie told me honestly. "He doesn't understand why you won't talk to him... he and Maria broke up...if that's any consolation..."

I could tell from the tone of Rosalie's voice that she was expecting me to squeal in delight at this news, but I was far from thrilled.

"And how do you want me to react to that Rose? I've hurt your brother and now his girlfriend has dumped him, how am I meant to be jumping for joy at that news?" I asked her honestly, slightly miffed.

Don't get me wrong, if I hadn't ruined things by telling Edward that I loved him, I would be the first one to throw a party that the witch was gone. But if I hadn't confessed my love to Edward, then I would be dreaming about me and him finally getting together.

The difference now was, I knew that it wouldn't happen, not even in my wildest dreams.

Our friendship as it stood, was over. There was no going back. He was there, I was here, and it would never work anyway.

My life for the next few years was in Forks, Edward had a good job, life and family in Florida.

I shook myself free from my day dreams, there was no Edward and I. Why even think of the possibilities? I ruined them.

"I don't know Bella, you're his friend. He needs his friends right now, and you're missing. He needs you, now more than ever." Rosalie told me.

"What? So he can cry on my shoulder about how upset he is that his girlfriend broke up with him? How messed up is that Rose?" I shouted at her.

There was no way in hell I could be that for him, my heart was aching enough.

"If you think I can be that for him after everything that has happened Rose, then you are sadly mistaken. I know you're sad for your brother, but what about me? You haven't once asked how I am, how I'm coping." I said, getting angrier by the second.

"How _are _you Bella? Mmm, tell me!" She said sarkily down the phone.

"Do you know what Rose?" I asked her, feeling my blood begin to boil. "I have spent the last few hours being comforted about my broken heart by my Grandmother who is dying, _dying..._I have cried on her shoulder about how much I love your brother and how I ruined things. I love him Rose, I LOVE HIM! I ache, deep down ache for him. There is nothing more that I want than to call him and tell that things can go back to the way they were...but they can't!"

"I'm not saying for things to go back the way they were, but you're his best friend Bella, or at least you were."She said.

"I can't be that for him anymore Rose, I need more from him than he is able to give and it's not fair me trying to put that pressure upon him. It's just better for all concerned if we just end our friendship." I told her, my voice going quiet at the end.

"So that's it? No fighting for him, nothing?" She asked me sadly.

"What am I supposed to fight? He doesn't see me that way, I can't make him love me Rose. I can't make his heart feel something it won't. "

It was then I realised that I was quoting the lyrics to the song that I had listened to more times that I care to remember and chuckled sadly to myself.

"He does love you Bella, you haven't seen the mess he's in. He needs you so much right now." Rose told me, I could hear the pain in her voice and could only begin to imagine the state that Edward was in.

"Do you realise that I have had to lock myself away in my bathroom to make this call to stop him from trying to call you? We had to hide his phone after the amount of times he kept checking it to see if you had text or called him. He says he feels like he's struggling to breathe without you here."

I could then hear banging coming through the speakers of the phone and muffled shouting.

"He's trying to get in here, he wants to talk to you. Will you please talk to him?" Rose practically begged me.

I sat down on the edge of my bed and let out a big sigh.

Did I want to talk to him? Could I actually say the words that needed to be said?

"Sure thing Rose." I told her quietly.

"Thank you Bella, thank you!" She told me, and I could hear her smile in her voice from my reply.

The phone went quiet for less than a minute and then I heard his voice.

"Bella? You there?" He asked, his voice was thick and full of apprehension.

"I'm here." I answered softly.

"Bella..."He said with a large exhale of breath, sounding relieved.

"That's me." I replied sardonically.

"I, um...I miss you." He told me, I could hear the emotion in his voice and felt my own throat begin to thicken.

"I miss you too." I whispered out, the tears beginning to fall from my eyes.

"Did you get there ok? How's Nan doing?" Edward asked, I could hear him clearing his throat, trying to compose himself.

"The trip was long and Nan is fine." I told him. "Rose told me about Maria...I'm so sorry."

"No you're not, I'm not upset either." Edward chuckled darkly at me.

"No, I suppose I'm not." I told him honestly.

I rubbed the heel of my hand into my eyes, trying to think of what it is I should say to him to make things right. Should I tell him that I didn't mean what I said so he could get on with his life? Would he even believe me at this point?

"Can I come and see you?" Edward asked me, shocking me from the questions I had going around my head.

"What?" I asked him, stunned by his question.

"Can I come and see you? I really need to see you." He told me, his voice thick with emotion and beginning to break at the end.

"Since you've been gone, you're all I've thought about. You told me how you felt, but didn't give me the chance to get my feelings in order. For so long you've been a major part of my life and the way you just walked out and left me...it hurt me Bella, more than anyone has ever hurt me before."

I choked back a sob at hearing how I had hurt him.

"You can't just lay that shit on me and expect me to answer straight away without looking at my own feelings Bella..." He continued to tell me. "You never showed any inclination that you felt more for me, or if you did, I didn't see it, but I always saw you Bella, I just didn't see all of you...you have to believe me." He pleaded at the end.

"Why do you think I was always the single one in our group Edward? Did you honestly think that I liked being lonely or the fifth wheel all the time?" I asked him, the tears falling freely now. "I...love you..." I croaked out.

I heard Edward gasp over the phone at my declaration.

"But it doesn't change anything...I'm sorry." I sobbed out, my heart shattering. "I would love to say that we can still be friends, but at this point, I think it's best for both of us if we cease contact...just for awhile."

"You can't mean that Bella!" Edward implored down the phone.

"You know I'm right Edward, this is just too messy for us to be friends." I told him, trying to speak through the sobs. "I never wanted to hurt you Edward, you've been in my life for a long time and I hate that I'm hurting you too. Maybe given time, we can be friends again, but right now we'd both do better with some distance between us." I cried quietly.

"Bella, you're in Forks and I'm in Florida...how much more fucking distance do you need?" Edward roared at me, I could tell that he was getting pissed off now.

"Emotional distance, Edward..." I trailed off, hoping he would get what I was trying to tell him.

"It's all bullshit Bella!" He spat at me. I could hear the anger beginning to build in his voice. "If you think I'm going to let this drop...then you're sadly mistaken."

The next thing I heard was the dial tone.

He had hung up on me.

I tried ringing Rosalie's phone back to try and find out what Edward meant exactly by his statement, but her phone was switched off.

Edward obviously didn't want to hear my voice.

I knew that he wouldn't be turning up here anytime soon, he was currently half way through the current semester and there was no way in hell he would be able to get time off.

I then chortled darkly to myself.

As if he would come here to see me. As if he would waste his time.

He would only bother coming here if he felt the same. If he felt that we could have something special.

Part of me hoped that he would give us both the 'emotional' space that we needed, but another part of me hoped that he would turn up on Nan's doorstep making some grand gesture of showing his affections for me.

But that wasn't going to happen.

I stared at the phone that I was still holding in my hands, and thought about what we had just talked about.

Nothing had been resolved.

Nothing had been mentioned about his feelings for me.

I had told him that I loved him, but I didn't get any declaration in return.

That right there should have told me all I needed to know.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**Oh Edward, you poor bugger. I can't help but feel for him here...but that's just me.**

**I have the next chapter ready to go and that will be up on Thursday, I'm going for double weekly updates and I hope that's enough for you all.**

**Thanks for taking the time to read.**

**See you all Thursday, Love xx**


	5. Chapter 5

**You still with me?**

**I just want to take a few minutes to thank everyone for the positive reviews, and if you haven't reviewed but have read, thank for taking the time to read. I'm not about to nag you to review, because I'm not a review whore, I'm just thrilled that people take the time to read my story.**

**As always, Carly Cullen...you rock! I would love to know how she can find in her busy schedule to beta my waffle, considering she has a newborn.**

**I don't own Twilight or any of it's characters blah, blah, blah.**

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO**

Chapter 5

Bookstores and New Friends

I woke up the next morning to the sound of Nan singing along to some oldies station on her little stereo in the kitchen.

I looked down at myself and saw that I must have fallen asleep in the clothes I was wearing last night, Deciding that I must have smelt a little rank, I made my way to the shower with a change of clothes.

Making quick work of washing my hair and body, I threw my favourite pair of jeans a comfy hoodie on.

"Good morning sunshine." Nan sang to me.

I couldn't help but smile back at her in reply.

"Morning." I replied.

The woman must have the constitution of an Ox, considering the amount of alcohol she consumed last night. My head was slightly fuzzy and I was in desperate need of some coffee.

Nan placed a plate of bacon and scrambled eggs in front of me and grinned at me.

"A nice greasy breakfast to make everything better." She told me, while I looked at the plate of food.

I chuckled back at her, I knew that her eating this kind of food wasn't good for her, but she refused to change her ways just because her days were numbered.

She had told me many times that she was going to eat what she wanted to, that she wasn't going to die from clogged arteries. I knew that it was her way of trying to make light of a shitty situation, and I couldn't hold that against her.

I didn't want to spend however long she had left telling her that couldn't have or do what she wanted to.

My stomach grumbled at the food before me and I started tucking in.

Nan chuckled at me enthusiasm for the food.

"So, what have you got planned for today?" She asked me, sitting across from me and eating her own breakfast.

"Um, thinking about looking for a job, just something part time." I told her in between a mouthful of eggs.

"Good idea." She grinned at me.

Once breakfast was finished, she shooed me out the front door faster than my legs could move and I literally stumbled down the front steps.

"Don't rush back...I've um, got company coming later...If you catch my drift." She ended with a wink.

OH MY GOD!

My grandmother was having a booty call.

That right there was on the list of things that I never needed to know about her, ever.

"I didn't need to know that Nan." I said with a shudder, climbing into my truck.

"Have fun sweetie. Should be safe to come back around lunch time." She giggled at me.

The woman was literally bouncing on her toes with excitement.

I pulled out of the drive and made my way to the centre of the town. With Forks being so small, I didn't think that the chances of me finding a job to be all that good.

I tried all the obvious places first, the local diner, the local sporting goods store, but none of those places had any vacancies.

I was walking down main street when I saw a little books store tucked in between the bank and a fishing tackle store.

I noticed that the book store had a little coffee shop at the back and decided to purchase a book and get a coffee. That should kill an hour or so.

I was in no rush to head back to the house any earlier than I needed to.

I walked through the door, and the bell jingled to sound my arrival.

The petit brunette that was standing being the counter smiled at my presence.

"Hi." She said to me then a look of recognition flashed in her eyes.

"Oh my god! You're Bella!" She told me.

"Yes, that's me." I said with a shrug.

It was pretty much obvious who I was, considering the size of the town and that no doubt Nan telling everyone about my coming.

"I'm Alice." She said, coming from around the counter and offering me her hand. "Nonnie mentioned that you were coming this week."

Yet again, I was overcome with the fondness of the pet name for my Nan. Her name was Mary and I had no idea where the whole Nonnie thing came from. I would have to try and remember to ask Jake about that one.

"Can I get you a coffee?" Alice asked me with a wave of her hand towards the coffee counter at the back.

"That would be great, thanks."

Alice was a little bundle of pure energy. She clapped her hand once and then told me to take a look around.

The shelves of the shop were lined with books ranging from fishing books to the latest teen romance novels.

I walked over to the Thriller section and saw that the newest book from my favourite author was there. I grabbed the book and looked around to try and find Alice.

She was sitting in a booth that was opposite from the cash counter and patted the seat next to her. There were two steaming cups of coffee sitting in front of her, along with a few muffins.

"I see you've found a book." Alice said with a nod to the book in my hand.

"Yeah, I love this guy, I can never guess the ending." I said with a happy chuckle.

Edward used to go on about how I would lose a day once my head got stuck in a book.

The errant thought of Edward brought my grin to a halt, and I felt it fall from my face.

I took the few steps that were needed to bring me to be sitting next to Alice.

"So, what do you think of our little sleepy town? Bet it's nothing compared to the hustle and bustle of Florida...and the heat. I bet the heat is lovely." Alice rambled out quickly.

"I haven't really had a chance to look around properly." I told her, adding the milk and sugar to my coffee that Alice had placed next to the muffins.

"Oh we should go to my brother's bar!" Alice squealed with excitement. "It's really the only decent bar in town as long as you don't want to be surrounded by the logging fellas, that is."

Her excitement was catching, and I thought to myself about how nice it would actually be to be able to let my hair down and have a night out with other people my age.

"He might even have some bar work available, if you haven't already found a job that is." Alice said, looking off towards the counter, deep in thought.

"Really? That would be amazing!" I was practically bouncing in my seat.

The thought of having something else to think about for a few hours a night seemed like a God send.

"Why don't we go there tonight and you can ask him yourself?" She asked me.

I could tell from the look on her face that she really wanted me to say yes.

So I did.

"Emmett's a hoot, you'll love him." She said with a grin.

We made plans to meet at McCartney's at eight, and then Alice went on to tell me about her life in Forks.

Literally everyone from her graduating year was still living in Forks, and most of them had paired off married, popping out a few kids and were living the picket white fence dream.

Alice had graduated from Seattle University with a degree in English Literature and was currently writing a novel. The store originally belonged to her grandmother, who left it to her when she passed away. Their grandmother also owned the bar that Emmett was now running. It was left to him with strict instructions of what he was _not _to do with it, and that was turning it into some 'yuppy wine bar'.

Apparently Alice's grandmother and Nan were a pair of tearaways in their younger days and I had a few stories that I could use to try and embarrass Nan with.

She told me about her husband Jasper, who she had met while in University. He was a computer science major and very shy, the total opposite of Alice. They hit it off and had been together ever since.

When she told me that he worked from home, designing computer software for a major computer firm, I had to hold back a chuckle.

I could just imagine the next Bill Gates coming from a town like Forks. The chances are that most people that lived here wouldn't have a clue how to use a computer, let alone make programmes up for them.

We spent some time talking about what else there was going on in Forks, and I wasn't surprised to find you that there wasn't much going on, apart from the usual idle gossip that came from a town being the size of Forks.

The only major drama that they had going on was who had stolen Mrs Copes garden gnomes.

When Alice asked me question about Florida, I edged past any questions that would lead me to talk about Edward. Rosalie was mentioned, but I felt the need to keep Edward to myself.

"So no boyfriend left behind mourning your departure then?" Alice asked me.

I could tell that she was genuinely curious, not that she was fishing for information.

"No, there was someone special, but it didn't work out the way I wanted it to." I told her, as honestly as I could.

"Yeah, life can be a right bitch sometimes. But I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason." Alice told me with a nod, like she actually believed that.

"You never know, you might find Mr Right in Forks." She giggled at me and ended with a wink.

"I'm not looking for Mr Right, I'm here for Nan. Anyone else would be second to her, and that wouldn't be fair." I told her.

I didn't need to tell Alice that I had found my Mr Right, and that he was in Florida, no doubt getting on with his life. And he may be mourning the loss of his friend, but I was the one with the broken heart.

Alice was more observant that I originally gave her credit for, she must have been able to sense that any talk of men was an uncomfortable subject for me, so she changed it.

We seemed to talk for hours and before I knew it my phone was ringing, and it was Nan telling me that it was safe to go back home.

I bid Alice farewell, and agreed to meet up with her later on in the evening at her brother's bar.

The drive back to Nan's house went quick and I noticed that I was getting less looks from the natives. They must have been bored with my presence already.

Small town folk can be so fickle.

Nan was sitting on the couch watching the TV when I got in, she gave me a smug grin and I could tell that she had a good morning.

"Nan." I greeted her with a nod and sly grin.

"Bella." She replied with the exact same grin I had just given her.

"Want something to eat?" I asked her, making my way into the kitchen.

"That would be lovely...having two orgasms can work up an appetite in a person." She told me with a straight face.

My jaw dropped at the way she casually threw that into the conversation.

I knew that she only said it to try and shock me, but still. I didn't want to hear about my Nan's bedroom activities.

I could only hope that when I reached her age that I would still have an active sex life like hers.

Although, I would leave the details out and try not to mentally scar my grandchildren with it.

I chuckled to myself and decided on some grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup. Something quick and comforting.

Now I was back in the house, Edward and our conversation from last night was playing a constant loop in my mind.

What did he mean about me being sadly mistaken if I thought he was going to drop the whole thing? What was he going to do about it?

There wasn't really anything he could do, he was there, and I was here.

Once our lunch was ready, I went and sat with Nan in the living room and watched some TV with her while we ate. Once she had eaten her food, I could see that her eyes were beginning to droop. She was starting to lag.

"Why don't you go up to bed and have a nap?" I asked her, taking her tray from her lap.

"I'm fine where I am." She told me, gently placing her hand over mine that was resting on the arm of her chair.

"I want you to be happy Bella, whatever it is that brings it to you." She told me.

I could see that she was getting emotional and I had to fight back the tears that were threatening to fall.

"I didn't want you to waste vital years of your life looking after me, you're too young to be here...but I'm glad that you are." She told me sadly.

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else right now." I said with as much conviction that my voice could manage, even with the wobble.

She then patted the seat next to her for me to join her, and once I took the trays back out the kitchen, that's what I did.

I told her about meeting Alice and going to the bar that evening. She told me that Alice and Emmett were good people and that she was glad that I was meeting people. She didn't want me being in Forks to seem like a prison sentence.

Our conversation dwindled and we were watching some Life Time movie when I felt her head slump onto my shoulder.

She had fallen asleep.

I slowly moved out from under her and manoeuvred her so she as lying down on the couch and covered her with a throw that was placed over the back of the couch.

Just as I finished tucking her in, I heard the front door open and in walked Jake.

I saw a small smile grace his lips when he saw Nan sleeping on the couch.

He nodded his head slightly towards the kitchen and made his way there, I followed behind him, glancing back one last time towards my only living relatives sleeping form.

"How is she?" He asked me, placing a small white bag on the counter. It looked like the kind of bag you get from a pharmacy.

"She's good...she had an, um, busy morning." I said, with a waggle of my eyebrows.

Jake's body shook in silent laughter, and it was then that I noticed that he had some coffee with him also.

"Ah, Nonnie and Mr Smith have had their monthly tryst." Jake chuckled quietly.

"Mr Smith? Monthly tryst?" I asked him.

"Oh yeah, Nonnie and Mr Smith have been having these trysts for the last few years. She said that it keeps them both busy and gives them something to look forward too."

That sounded exactly like something my Nan would say.

I felt and immense amount of gratitude towards Jake, here he was looking out for my grandmother while I was living in Florida. I could see that he loved her and doted on her.

"Also, I called in and saw Alice. She said that you were going to the bar tonight to ask Emmett about a job." He said casually.

I took a sip of the offered coffee and nodded my answer at him.

"Emmett's a good dude, if he can help you out, he will." Jake said, taking the seat opposite me. "Mind if I tag along? Emily is working the night shift this week, and I could do with some company."

"Of course Jake, no problem." I told him with a smile.

Jake and I spent the next few hours shooting the shit, as Nan would say, and he told me all about how he and Emily were childhood sweethearts and that they got married straight out of high school. He worked around town doing any jobs that he could to help support Emily while she went to nursing school.

I could see the love in his eyes for his wife whenever he mentioned her name, the pride in his eyes at his wife's accomplishments were obvious.

I could only hope that maybe one day I would find someone who loved and adored me as much as Jake felt for Emily.

My time would surely come, I just wasn't sure when.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**So what do we think of Nan's bootie call? I know that my Grandparents still have an active sex life and they're in their 70's...and have had to listen to my Bampa go on about how my Nan still does it for him on more than one occasion, so I know that old people still have sex, I know, but I don't need to hear about it!**

**In the next chapter we get to meet Emmett and I hope that I can write him as good as I imagine him, although my Emmett won't compare to the wonderful Emmett that Leelan Oleander writes. Her Emmett has made me cry like a sissy girl on more than one occasion.**

**I am going to update this story every Tuesday and Thursday, and I hope that you guys are happy with that.**

**See you Tuesday, Love xx**


	6. Chapter 6

**I can't apologise enough for the delay in posting this chapter, my beta's little one was ill, then my son decided to have a nice sickness virus that went around the family.**

**School has started back up and I am currently reading Othello, that shit is heavy!**

**This chapter hasn't been beta'd so any mistakes are mine and I shall own up to them.**

**I don't own Twilight, blah blah blah**

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

Chapter 6

Blushes and Introductions

Jake left after awhile and we arranged to meet at the bar that evening. Nan was still sleeping on the couch so I decided to go upstairs and put more of my things away.

There were boxes that I knew held things that I didn't want to see. There was the box that held a hoodie that I had borrowed from Edward and never gave back and many other things that reminded me of him. I knew that I wouldn't be able to avoid all things Edward, because he was involved in so much of my life.

I took a deep breath and made a start on the box that I was sure was the safest, it was the box full of my books.

There was a small book case in my bedroom and I put the books on the shelf one by one, trying not to think of any memory that was connected to it but once I got to my Harry Potter collection I shed a tear.

Edward had bought me the entire series in a chest the previous Christmas along with a Gryffindor scarf. He would tease me endlessly about my love for the magical wizarding world that Rowling had created.

I fought back the tears that threatened to escape and 'sucked it up' and Rosalie would say.

My mind then wandered to what had happened after I had gotten off the phone with Edward the night before.

I wanted to speak with Rosalie and see how things stood with her and I.

I picked up my phone and called her, it rang twice before she answered it.

"Bella!" Rosalie answered, sounding surprised to hear from me.

"Hey Rose, how are you?" I asked her wearily.

"I'm ok. You?" She asked.

She voice sounded bored, like she really didn't want to be speaking to me.

"I'm good thanks, just putting some things away and I was wondering how you were after last night...I did try calling you back but your phone was switched off."

"Yeah, Edward turned it off and didn't tell me after he got off the phone." She sighed, she was either really getting bored with me or felt as weary talking to me as I did with her.

"Is he, um...Is he ok?" I asked her.

I was nervous about her answer.

"He's better than he has been." She told me. "He seemed to be as if he has come to terms with whatever you talked about."

I didn't know how to take that statement.

Was he coming to terms that we were never going to be friends?

Was he happy that we weren't going to be seeing each other any time soon?

What the hell did it mean?

I was confused and torn, I wanted him to give me peace and let me try and get over him, but at the same time I wanted him to feel some kind of remorse that our friendship as it was, was over.

"That's good." I said, my voice stilted.

"Sorry Bella, I have to go...My other phone is ringing." Rosalie told me.

I could tell that she just wanted to get off the phone.

"Um, Ok Rose..." And before I could say 'goodbye' I could hear the dial tone.

She didn't even say goodbye, just hung up on me.

I dropped the phone onto my lap and cried sadly.

Not only had I lost Edward, but I had also lost my best friend.

I knew that she would have taken Edward's side in everything, she was his sister after all, but I would have expected some kind of understanding from her after our conversation last night.

The Cullen's were getting on with life without me, and I had to do the same.

I got off the bed and finished putting my things away, minus the box that I knew held Edward's hoodie. For some reason I couldn't face looking at it.

I don't know if it was because of the huge CULLEN that was written on the back or the fact that he had worn it last and I had not washed it, so it would have still smelt like him.

I pushed the box under my bed and decided to leave it for another day. A day when I could face the memories.

The only picture that I put out was the picture of me and my parents. The rest could stay in the box for all I cared at that point.

It was a little while later that I heard Nan calling me from downstairs.

I went down to see what the matter was, and I found my Nan sitting up on the couch holding her stomach.

What's wrong Nan?" I asked her, rushing to her side.

"Did Jake bring my tablets?" Nan asked me.

It was then that I remembered the pharmacy bag that Jake had brought in with him earlier that afternoon, I would have to remember to thank him.

I rushed out to the kitchen and grabbed the bag and a cold bottle of water from the fridge.

I passed the bag to Nan quickly while she looked through and found the bottle that she needed.

She grabbed two tablets and took them quickly while gulping down some water.

"Are you ok?" I asked her, concerned.

"I will be in ten minutes." She grimaced at me.

There was no way that I was going to the bar that evening, with Nan being in pain.

I grabbed my phone and went to call Jake, he had given me his number that afternoon just incase I ever needed him or Emily.

"Who you calling?" Nan asked me, eyeballing my phone.

"Just calling Jake to tell him that I won't be at the bar tonight." I told her.

"Why not?" She asked me, she sounded pissed.

"You're in pain, duh!" I told her and rolled my eyes for effect.

"Isabella Marie Swan!" She shouted at me.

I felt like I was being scolded for something.

I raised my eyebrow in question at her.

"Yes." I said sarcastically.

"You ARE going out tonight even if I have to drive you to Emmett's bar myself!" She told me, with no room for argument.

I knew that voice. We all know THAT voice, not matter who it comes from.

"And tell me why that is." I asked her with sass evident in my voice.

"You aren't here to babysit me, go to the fucking bar and have a few drinks. I'm going to be passed out in about thirty minutes anyway. These pills always knock me out and you're going to be five minutes down the road. I'm not a child that needs constant watching Bella."

I could have come up with a million arguments against her, but I knew that there wouldn't be any swaying her. That woman never backed down from a fight or argument and no matter what, even if she was in the wrong, she would always win.

"You'll call me if you need me?" I asked her with a sigh.

"Yes mother." She answered me sarcastically, and gave me an eye-roll in return.

"Ok, but I mean it Nan. You need _anything _and you call me." I told her with no uncertain terms.

"Sure thing Mom." She laughed at me.

I knew that I would be taking it easy on the drink that night, there was no way I was risking being to sauced up to drive her if she needed to go to the hospital.

The doctor had explained to me over the phone that all they could do for Nan know was numb her up. They weren't giving her medication to beat the cancer anymore, just pills to take the pain away. Try and make her as comfortable as possible he told me.

We sat on the couch for awhile and I could see Nan's head star to bob as she slowly drifted back to sleep.

"Hey Nan, come on, let's get you to bed." I told her and nudged her shoulder with mine to get her attention.

"Ok." Nan replied, her voice getting thick with exhaustion.

I helped up the stairs and into her bed, taking her shoes off and trying to help her get as comfy as possible.

Literally by the time I had taken her socks off, I could hear her snoring softly.

I went and grabbed her cell phone and placed it on her bedside table, just incase she needed it while I was out, along with a bottle of water and her pain medication.

I left her bedroom door open while I walked into my room and got changed. I took my hoodie off and put on a long sleeved white t-shirt and my favourite red and blue checked shirt over it. My brown leather biker jacket went over that and I made my way downstairs after checking on Nan one last time.

The walk to the bar was short but the air was brisk.

Forks was a beautiful place, there was no denying that. The entire town was encompassed with thick green woodlands that would no doubt have you lost within five minutes if you didn't know your way.

I wondered briefly if Jake would mind showing me a few trails, the short ones that always led back to civilisation. I knew that I wasn't brave enough to venture on the more experienced trails, my sense of direction was 'up my ass' as Edward would say.

Thinking of Edward brought my feet to a halt.

He would have loved the forests in Forks, he would have been in his element. No doubt he would spend hours looking at every single thing that he could lay his eyes on.

Up ahead I saw Alice was out of the bar and look in my direction.

"BELLA!" She shouted at me, waving her hands to get my attention.

As if her bellowing voice wouldn't have done that.

I smirked to myself and wove back at her.

"You made it!" She said her voice full of excitement.

"Yeah I did." I replied, deciding not to tell her about my nearly no show.

"I've told Emmett all about you and he can't wait to meet you." She said, bouncing on her feet.

I giggled at her enthusiasm.

"I doubt he was that thrilled Al, but thanks." I told her, and gave an eye-roll for good measure.

We walked into the bar and it was a typical small town pub. The walls showed bare wood, with the occasional picture fixed here and there. There were stools that lined the bar that was just off to the right and a few booths and tables on the other side. There was a pool table that was off the other side of the bar and I noticed a dart board there also.

"Hey Emmett, Bella's here!" Alice shouted once we walked through the doors.

A few of the patrons turned to look at me, but I was too busy staring at the mountain man that was making his way over to us.

The first thing I noticed were his dimples that sat either side his pearly white genuine smile.

"Hey Bella, Alice has told me all 'bout you." Emmett said, putting his hand out for me to shake.

"Same here." I managed to say with a smile.

My heart did that little flutter thing that used to happen whenever Edward was around.

Our handshake finished slightly too soon for my liking, but once he let my hand go I was pleasantly surprised that he stood between Alice and I and put his arms around our shoulders while leading us towards the bar.

"What's ya poison Bella?" Emmett asked me with a grin.

"Southern Comfort and Coke please." I told him.

Emmett made his way back behind the bar, and I watched him from the corner of my eye until he stood directly in front of me.

"A lady of good taste." He said with a wink.

My heart did that flutter thing again and I could feel myself blush.

I watched Emmett while he poured my drink and made casual conversation with a few of the patrons sitting at the bar.

He had the same dark hair as Alice, cut into a short crop. His pale blue eyes sparkled with humour as he made a few joke with the guys. His shoulder were broad and strong and I could see that he worked out from the way his muscles moved under his shirt.

"He's single, you know." Alice whispered into my hair.

My blush flashed across my face instantly and Alice giggled as she leaned away.

"What's got you blushing so fierce?" Emmett asked me slyly, placing my drink in front of me.

"Um, nothing." I answered quickly, pulling my hair over my shoulder to try and hide my face.

Emmett brought his hand forward and halted my hand.

"You shouldn't hide your blush, it's beautiful." Emmett told me softly.

I raised my eyes and looked into his.

His smile was instant and my answering smile was too.

Emmett slowly moved his hand away from mine and went down the other end of the bar to serve a customer that was trying to get his attention.

Alice was sitting at the side of me humming a happy tune while stirring her drink with her straw.

"What are you looking so smug about?" I asked her, trying to act nonchalant.

"If you aren't going to say it, neither am I." She sang at me, in that annoying sing song way that people do when they know something you don't.

Before I had a chance to try and ask her what she meant, the bar door opened and in breezed Jake.

"Ladies." Jake said in greeting to me and Alice.

"Jake." We both answered at the same time.

Emmett had noticed Jake's arrival and made his way to our end of the bar to serve him. As they began talking I could feel Emmett's gaze fall on me every so often, and when our eyes would meet, we would give each other a small smile in acknowledgment.

What we were acknowledging I wasn't sure, but it felt nice to get noticed, to be seen.

I did feel guilty about the way my heart would flutter whenever Emmett would place his hand over mine when he was telling me a story, or when our eyes would meet, but I had to try and move on.

I had to try and let Edward go.

Would Emmett be the one to help me?

I wasn't sure, but I was willing to try and find out.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**So, what do we think of Emmett? And before you all want to hang me out to dry, maybe Emmett is what Bella needs right now, maybe not, who knows? I sure as hell don't at this point.**

**I promise not to leave so long between updates again, I'm still aiming for my two updates a week, but I won't post them on set days.**

**Thanks for hanging in there xx**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hi guys, sorry for the delay...my modem decided to die on me last week and I had to wait for my internet provider to send me a new one.**

**Carly Cullen, my wonderful friend looked this over for me and she is 'wicked awesome'.**

**I don't own Twilight, blah blah blah**

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

Chapter 7

It was easy to spend time with Alice, Jake and Emmett at the bar. Along with it being new I also felt relaxed being surrounded by my new friends.

Whenever I had gone to a bar in the past with Edward and Rosalie, I was always on edge waiting for Edward's flavour of the month to show up, or having to sit back and wallow as random girls would come up to him and seek his attention. I was like a wallflower back then, standing back, being looked over and passed aside by no one wanting to pick me.

I had only two previous relationships which both crashed and burned due to my heart being somewhere else, belonging to someone else.

I had lost my virginity to my college boyfriend Ben, he was sweet and very attentive but we split up due to my lack of commitment to him. He wanted us to move in together, but I just couldn't do it. I held onto my virginity until I was nineteen, hoping to give it to Edward, but we know how that turned out.

Eric was the guy I started dating and he and Edward were at logger heads constantly.

Eric despised the fact that I was so close to Edward, and Edward just detested Eric. He never actually gave me a reason behind it and I secretly hoped deep down that maybe he was jealous.

Eric and I split up after I was home ill for a few days and when he finally decided to see if I was ok, Edward answered the front door in his pyjama bottoms and no t-shirt. Eric instantly thought that Edward and I were sleeping together and left my apartment that day, and I never heard from him again after that.

I sat at the bar and thought back to what was happening around me, feeling myself pull back from the memories that were haunting me.

I looked at Emmett and smiled to myself.

He was leaning over the bar, resting on his forearms while talking to Alice and Jake about the renovations that he had in mind for the bar. They talking animatedly about what flooring to put down and then Alice got all excited when she launched into the topic of colour schemes.

I noticed the guys cringing slightly at the mention on 'Ginza Green' and 'Bexley Blue'.

"Calm down Al, the decor must match the rest of the bar." Emmett said with a slightly condescending tone and patted Alice on the top of her head.

"But Emmett, if you're decorating the back...give the whole bar a paint job." Alice whined at him, trying to get her way.

I stifled a giggle when I saw Emmett roll his eyes at his sister, but I wasn't quiet enough and he turned to look at me.

"You can giggle all you like Swan, but if you're going to be employed by me I expect some form of loyalty." He said with mock seriousness.

"Yes Boss." I replied, giving him a small salute.

I caught Alice looking between me and Emmett with a smile on her face.

"You're going to hire Bella?" Alice asked, excited.

"Sure, why the hell not." Emmett said casually with a shrug.

I noticed Jake looking at Emmett with a small grin of his own and raised eyebrow, Emmett just raised his in return.

I had no idea what was going on with those two, they were having some kind of silent conversation and turned to look away before I got caught watching.

Just as I finished draining the last of my drink, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket before the ringtone started.

I grabbed it quickly and looked at the screen to see the caller ID and my stomach dropped when Nana's name flashed up on it.

"Nan!" I said loudly, making my way outside.

"Bella..." She said groggily. "It hurts..." She trailed off.

I quickly made my way back to the door of the bar and shoved it open shouting for Jake.

"Nan, I'll be right there!" I shouted, getting more and more worried.

The door to the bar flew back open and Alice, Jake and Emmett came barrelling out.

"What's the matter?" Jake asked me panicked.

"It's Nan..." I said quickly rushing back into the bar to grab my bag. "We need to get home."

"Got it." Jake said grabbing my hand and leading me to his car.

"Bella, call me later to let me know!" Alice shouted just as I shut the passenger door behind me.

I looked over and gave her a quick nod of my head to let her know that I heard her as the car started up and we started moving towards Nan's house.

As soon as we got outside the house, I threw the passenger side door open before Jake had a chance to put the car in park, and sprinted up the front steps fumbling with my key until the door unlocked. I raced up the stairs towards Nan's bedroom and I could hear her moaning in pain.

"Call the hospital Jake, get an ambulance here now!" I screamed behind me.

I ran over to Nan and could tell from the grimace on her face that she was in a vast amount of pain.

"I'm here Nan, I'm here." I told her trying to reassure her in any way that I could.

I rolled her over as gently as I could onto her back, and shoved the soiled pillows away from her. From what I could tell, she had been violently sick.

I felt her forehead, she was slick with sweat and was boiling hot with fever.

Normally that wouldn't be such a major issue, but with her medication and the cancer, I had no idea of how it would affect her.

"The ambulance is on its way." Jake said breathlessly as he came into the room.

"Nan...Nan..." I called to her over and over again trying to get some form of response from her, but there was nothing.

"Jake..." I trailed off, looking over at him as the tears began to fall from my eyes.

"She'll be fine Bella." Jake told me as he moved the blankets over Nan's body. "She must have the stomach flu that's going around." He continued.

I knew that he was just trying to calm my nerves and placate me, but my heart was hammering and the only other thing on my mind was Edward.

I wanted Edward here with me; he always knew the right thing to say.

He could always calm me down but he wasn't here, he wasn't going to be here and my heart hurt that little bit more.

I quickly grabbed some of Nan's things as the EMT's made their way into the house.

They quickly came upstairs and asked me gently to leave the room so they could assess Nan before they moved her.

Jake escorted me downstairs to wait for them.

Not a few minutes later and EMT came down to grab a stretcher from the back of the ambulance and asked Jake to help direct them down the stairs.

I stayed out of the way in the sitting room until they were out the front door.

"Can I ride with you?" I asked the EMT, afraid that they were going to tell me no.

"Sure thing Miss, we'll need you to fill out the paperwork once we get to the hospital.

I just gave them a nod as my response.

"I'll meet you at the hospital!" Jake shouted at me as I climbed into the back of the ambulance.

I didn't even reply, my focus was on Nan.

Her skin was washed out and her breathing was shallow. They had placed an oxygen mask over her face and she was hooked up to a monitor that was making a steady bleeping sound.

"Nan...Nan..." I called to her quietly.

I gently took her hand in mine and brought her knuckles to my lips and placed a soft kiss on them.

"Don't you dare leave me old woman..." I told her. "You're not allowed to leave me yet."

The tears were falling freely on the way to the hospital, and as we arrived on the ambulance bay, there was a flurry of activity. Jake had arrived just before us and was waiting for me as the ambulance doors opened.

I noticed Emily by the main doors and rushed to Jake as they wheeled Nan inside.

"She'll be fine Bella." Jake told me, trying to calm me down.

We followed behind the EMT's as they took Nan into a room that I wasn't allowed to enter.

"I'll stay with her." Emily told me, before rushing into the room as an alarm started wailing.

"JAKE!" I screamed loudly in fear of what was going on behind the closed door.

Jake pulled me into his arms and cradled my head into his chest as we heard muffled shouting and orders being given.

"She can't die Jake...she's all I have." I cried loudly.

My heart was trashing against my chest and tears were falling freely as I tried to bloke out the commands that were being given in the room where they were trying to save my Nan.

All I could think of was what I was going to do without her.

Without her it would just be me, without her I would be alone.

Jake moved me to sit on some of the chairs in the waiting room, and I collapsed onto them.

"Jake...she can't...she just can't..." I sobbed.

It was now that I needed Edward more than ever, I _needed _to feel his arms around me. It was his chest I wanted to be crying on, it was his voice I wanted to hear trying to soothe me.

The noise from the room that Nan was in quietened down and my heart lodged in my throat.

I still couldn't lift my head from Jake's chest, my mind was running at a hundred miles an hour with all the thoughts I had going on in there.

What if Nan doesn't make it through?

What if she does?

Will she even be able to come home?

If I rang Edward, would he come to me?

Would he even answer my call?

Why is it so quiet in that room?

Why hasn't Emily come to tell us anything yet?

I heard the door creak open and looked up to see Emily walk out looking calm.

"They've taken Nan up to ICU, she is stable and we will need to run more tests to find out what is going on with her. She's not in pain at the moment; we did have to use the defibrillator on her because her heart went into shock from the pain that she was in. They think she might have had a heart attack." Emily told me and Jake.

If truth be told I didn't really hear what Emily had said, my brain was playing catch up.

"Can I see her?" I asked her, wiping the tears from my cheeks.

"Not yet, they need to get her settled in her room first." She gently patted my hand then looked at Jake.

"Why don't you two go and get some coffee and I'll call you when you can go and see her." She suggested.

I could feel Jake nodding at her, and I numbly nodded in response.

"Come on Bella." Jake said, putting his arm around my waist and helping me to my feet.

Jake led the way to the nearest vending machine and sat me down gently in the closest seat.

I wasn't really paying attention to what Jake was doing, I couldn't even tell which part of the hospital we were in.

Jake placed a hot cup of coffee in my hands and I vaguely remember him telling me that he was going to move his car and call Alice to let her know what was happening.

Again, I just nodded at him.

Nan was stable, she was alive.

I tried to breathe a sigh of relief knowing that she was still with us, but my heart was still anxious and thumping beneath my chest.

I grabbed my phone out of my bag and out of habit went to dial Edward's number.

He was my 'go to' guy, he was my 'everything' guy.

I wanted to call him, just to hear his voice. I knew that hearing him would calm me down, but I didn't know if I wanted to open that can of worms.

I didn't know if I could make the call, but I also didn't know if I couldn't.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**I originally wrote this a totally different way, and after speaking with Carly, decided to change it...believe me, you would thank me for it.**

**Should she or shouldn't she call him? I haven't decided yet what Bella is going to do.**

**On another note, I am considering re-posting some of my stories and one shots, would you guys be interested?**

**See you all soon xx**


	8. Chapter 8

**No excuses for the EPIC lateness of my update, but things will be getting better...I promise.**

**You might need to start from the beginning to refresh your memories, it has been that long after all **

**...**

Chapter 8

I stared at the phone in my hand for what seemed like hours, whereas in fact it was only seconds before I pushed the call button to dial Edward. I knew that what I was doing was like taking two steps back, but I needed him. I needed to have him reassure me that Nan was going to be ok.

I noticed that my hand was shaking as I pulled the phone up to my ear, my breath shallow and fast with nerves at what he would say.

He never picked up.

It went to voicemail.

I ended the call and placed my phone back in my pocket, cupping the hot paper cup with my hands that felt ice cold.

Edward didn't pick up. Did he ignore me or was he too busy?

I was busy battling with my thoughts when another popped in.

_You told him you wanted distance, emotional distance. This is what it's like._

It was odd that I felt guilty at knowing that it was what I said to Edward the night before that had caused this _distance_. This is what I wanted, wasn't it?

I couldn't help but feel lost without his words of comfort, comfort that I was in serious need of.

I knew that this would be hard, I knew that it was for the best, but it didn't feel like it.

Jacob walked back into the cafeteria and broke me out of my musings.

"Alice is on her way, she said that you might need a friend right now." Jacob told me, I could see sadness evident on his face.

He loved Nan as much as I did, and I could see that he was hurting too.

I gave a subtle nod, letting him know that I heard him as he sat next to me and placed his arm around my shoulder.

"She'll be ok, won't she Jake?" I asked him, not looking up from my hands around the coffee cup.

"I sure hope so." Was all he said quietly in reply.

You could feel the gloom around us, like a heavy air saturated with sadness and trepidation.

We sat in the cafeteria in silence until Alice came through the doors like a little whirlwind. The moment she saw us, she seemed to lose her usual enthusiasm and slouched in matching sadness with us.

"How is she?" She asked quietly, sitting across from me and Jacob.

"They're getting her settled in ICU, they think she has a heart attack." Jacob answered her.

We all sat in silence, lost in our own thoughts when the sound of my phone ringing broke me out of my musings. Before I even looked at the screen, I knew who's name would be flashing up.

Without really looking at the phone, I hit the decline button and noticed Alice give me a questioning look. I gave a slight shake of my head and placed the phone on the table, face down and flicked the switch that silenced it.

The people of importance were all under the roof of Forks Hospital, she was lying in a bed with tubes no doubt coming out of her, helping her to breathe, keeping her alive.

My moment of weakness of calling Edward won't happen again, and it was then that I decided that I would delete Edward's number from my phone once my head was clearer.

I just hoped that my resolve would hold.

...

What seemed like an eternity later, but was really only 30 minutes, Emily came looking for us to let us know that we could see Nana. My heart dropped at the thought of what I might see when I entered the room.

My heart was hammering in my chest and tears were already in my eyes before I even took the steps that would lead me through the door way.

Nan looked so small surrounded by all the machines. I could hear the beep of the heart monitor and the hiss of the ventilator that was breathing for her.

This is not what she wanted, she didn't want to be attached to machines. She had made her stand on all this perfectly clear, and I was torn as to what I should do.

I sat on the chair that was next to her bed and took her small frail hand in mine, her skin looked so translucent that I could see the veins running up and down.

"Hey Nan." I whispered to her, tears falling from my eyes. "You tried to go, but they kept you here...I know this isn't what you wanted, but...I...I"

That is when the sobbing started.

"You can't expect me to tell them to turn off the machines! You can't!" My voice was getting louder, as if I was imploring her to wake up and make the decision for me.

"Please wake up Nan...please..." I begged her, my voice dropping to a whisper.

I placed my head on her arm, trying to get my breathing under control, when I felt someone standing next to me.

"She'll pull through Bella, there's plenty of life left in Nonnie yet." I heard Jacob tell me.

"It's too soon Jake, she can't go yet." I told him, my head not moving from her arm.

I felt Jacob place his hand on my shoulder, trying to give me comfort, but the only comfort that would work was laying before me in a bed, seemingly gone already.

**...Short and not so sweet but just to let you know that I haven't forgotten about his story, and I'm getting my writing mojo back.**

**Thanks for sticking with me xx**


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